I did a series of photographs depicting the anguish and self-hatered I experienced as a young adult this past fall. I decided to name this photo anguish as well. Although it is not officially a part of the older project, it is in a way related to it.
I didn’t plan to create this specific image. I went down to my studio tonight to do a double exposure shot on film of something I had had in mind for a while. I made two attempts to create what I wanted and I think I pretty much messed up both. I was planning on developing the film tonight, but to avoid a big disappointment, I decided to pull one of my digital lighting tests for the first of the two exposures into Photoshop and create something with it. The result is below. It attempts to show shame and dislike of one’s body. Your mind is a funny thing. While there may be nothing wrong with one’s body, objectively seen, when you suffer from really low self-esteem, your mind will make you feel disgusted by it. You will notice every single blemish that nobody but you will ever be able to see, until you no longer want to look in the mirror, because what you see makes you ashamed.
(90mm, ISO 800, f/10, 1/125 sec + strobe with softbox on camera right)